Most night, there are three of us in our family bed — me, my six-year-old, and my three-year-old. It’s not traditional and certainly not glamorous, but it’s ours. And honestly? I wouldn’t change it for the world.
It wasn’t part of some big parenting plan – I really just needed some sleep!
Co-sleeping wasn’t part of any mindful parenting philosophy. It happened out of necessity. We were exhausted, and instead of pushing routines or listening to sleep-training advice, we listened to our children. Most of the time, they just wanted to feel safe and to have cuddles.
When I tried to stick to the idea of them sleeping in their own beds, it ended in tears. They were scared and unsettled, and I was up and down all night. I was trying to enforce something that didn’t feel natural for any of us. By morning, we were all shattered. Constantly , I was feeling like I was failing. It felt as if I was depriving them of something they clearly needed, just to tick a box that someone else had written.
Eventually, I gave in. I let them stay in my bed, my partner slept in the kid’s bed and it worked. So, they stayed.
We’ve Found What Works for Us
The kids have their own beds. But truthfully, their bedroom is more of a storage room or play area than a sleeping space. Their beds are usually covered in clothes and toys, and we all end up in my bed at night.
There are no white noise machines. No Instagram worthy routines. No expert-approved wind-down strategies. Just us. We read, we talk, and we cuddle. It’s simple and for now, it feels right. They fall asleep happy and secure, and sleep through the night knowing I am there.
I Used to Feel Embarrassed – But Not Anymore
There’s a lot of pressure on parents these days to follow the rules and tick all the boxes. Toilet training, sleep training, discipline, independence, nutrition, screen time limits, and all by a certain age. We are constantly told to do it all gently, not to lose our cool and make sure our kids develop well. They should feel safe but also be independent, encouraged but also with boundaries, nurtured and at the same time, self-reliant… it is just endless.
I was told that co-sleeping would make my children too emotionally dependent and needy. But that hasn’t been my experience at all. My children are confident, expressive, and sociable. Everyday, my children go to school and nursery with excitement, make friends easily, and speak their minds. They aren’t clingy instead they are independent in other ways that matter. Sleeping close to me hasn’t stunted them — if anything, I think it’s helped them feel grounded and secure.
I Know the Guidelines – And I Know My Reality, Too
I’ve read the parenting guidelines and know about safety. But I also know what it’s like to be absolutely shattered and trying get through drop offs, work, pick-ups, park, dinner, bath time…. and bedtime on barely any sleep. There’s nothing secure about a parent running on two hours of broken sleep and trying to do it all.
Sometimes, the safest choice is simply doing what you need to get by — even if that means you’re not doing it ‘right’.
Co-Sleeping Can Normal – Even If We Don’t Talk About It
I used to feel embarrassed admitting it, but you know, co-sleeping has always been a normal part of life in many cultures. Across much of the world, co-sleeping is normal and many children sleep close to their parents well into their early years.
Even here, in the UK, many parents do the same — they just don’t talk about it.
Research from Durham University has shown that sleeping in close contact can help children regulate their heart rate, breathing, and body temperature — all things that promote safer sleep and secure attachment. And when parents are sleeping better, children benefit too: less stress, more patience, more connection.
Life’s a Rush — But This Is Where We Slow Down
Everything feels non-stop these days. Dinner is rushed, bedtime even more so. The whole day turns into a list of things to get through. Children are hurried out the door in the morning so parents can work, then bundled off to bed so parents can finally have a bit of peace.
But bedtime doesn’t have to be rushed. Ours has become our quiet moment. No screens, no background noise — just us, lying side by side. That’s when my six-year-old tells me what really happened at lunch or asks one of her big questions. And when my three-year-old does her little voices and tells me what catty cat told her.
In that quiet time, these little chats mean a lot to me. It feels like a proper connection and that’s not something you can rush through. We slow down and we talk and then we fall asleep together. It feels meaningful and it’s in those unplanned, unfiltered moments that I feel the closest to them.
Will They Be Too Dependent? Maybe, But So What?
People ask, “Aren’t you worried they’ll get too used to it?” and “When will you make them sleep in their own beds”. The answer is, no and when they are ready.
Away from the chaos, melt downs, household chores and work pressure, maybe a bit of closeness and calm during the night isn’t such a bad thing. They won’t be little forever, and one day, they’ll want their own space and won’t need me so much. One day, they’ll sleep somewhere else but they’ll get there in their own time.
In other ways, they are already independent. My eldest already has sleepovers with her cousin. She has strong opinions and a big personality. My youngest is fearless. She wants to learn everything all at once and be able to do it all by herself. They fall asleep feeling loved and wake up smiling. That tells me we’re doing something right.
We’re All Just Doing Our Best
Some families don’t co-sleep. Some children sleep well on their own from early on. And really, that’s amazing. But for those of us whose kids wake often, get scared alone and need comfort, I think that’s okay too.
There shouldn’t be this constant competition about whose kids are doing what and when. Parenting doesn’t look the same for everyone. We’re all doing our best with what we’ve got — our time, our space, our energy. My kids still sleep in the bed with me but were both nappy free early on. Every child is different and ready at different times. There are no prizes for reaching milestones early.
So, if your bed feels crowded, and you’re wondering whether you’re getting it all wrong — you’re not. You’re responding to your children and you’re doing your best. In a world that often feels noisy and impersonal, a warm bed and a cuddle might just be one of the most grounding loving things we can offer, for them and for ourselves.
Written by Corinna Gough