Reducing stress without adding more pressure
Being a parent is challenging. From the sleepless nights, to the seemingly endless crying (of baby and parents), to the never-ending pressure of having to be responsible of a little life; it is extremely difficult.
When external stresses are factored in, such as your job, your lack of job, relationship issues, financial problems, it is easy to see how a parent can become overwhelmed and stress. If you have read this and thought, “This is me!”, you aren’t alone. A survey from Psychology Today indicated that 41% of parents felt so stressed that they cannot function. Remember that. You are not alone.
Why parenting can feel so stressful
While being a parent brings undeniable joys for most parents, parenthood also brings a huge amount of pressure. Did I pack enough nappies? Should I have put sun cream on the baby today? Why won’t she eat her vegetables? How do I buy his school uniform when I’m so deep in my overdraft? Suddenly, you have so many more responsibilities and your old ones haven’t gone away. It is completely natural to feel stressed.
There are ways to deal with stress though, even if you don’t feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Practical ways to ease the pressure:
- Be kind to yourself – when your day is so full, it’s impossible to get everything done. If you don’t manage everything, be kind to yourself.
- Don’t set yourself unrealistic goals – Children take up a lot of time; if you expect to clean the kitchen, study, exercise, sort out some old clothes, and sort out your finances in one day, you are going to be disappointed. This can lead to feelings of guilt or worthlessness. Set yourself soft goals, and don’t be too upset if you don’t hit those. You are human
- See the positives – You may feel like you aren’t functioning, but you are. Look around you. Your children are fed and clothed. You are doing better than you realise.
- Talk about it – If you have a partner or friends or family members you are close to, tell them how you feel. Even if they can’t help you, it can feel so much better to unburden yourself.
- Drop something – Do you really need to sort the loft this week? This month? Maybe, but probably not.
- Don’t doomscroll – I get it. You finally find ten minutes to yourself. It’s the easiest thing to do to get a dopamine hit by scrolling through social media, but it won’t help. Try to do something you enjoy. Try a breathing exercise on YouTube. The relaxation you get from it will work wonders.
- Ask for help – If you are really struggling, there is no shame in asking for help. You don’t have to do everything. Even if it’s asking a friend or neighbour to wash your dishes. Let other people support you.
- If all else fails, you can access further support. Mind website offers help to people who are struggling, and you can contact your GP and ask if you can be referred for therapy. Therapy is offered on the NHS, so you don’t need to worry if you are struggling financially.
It is really easy to feel bad about yourself if you are a stressed parent. Don’t feel bad. You are human, and you are doing well.
Written by James Doyle